Well, its been a difficult week. The day after my last post Grendal had the difficult job of explaining to his mother that it was Lucky's time to leave us. Lucky was still trying to get up and move but his periods of sleep were getting longer and longer. It was troubling Grendal and myself. So that afternoon just about the entire family went to the vet to say our final goodbyes. Everyone was in tears. I couldn't stay in the room to watch the procedure, despite the fact that I was planning on going into the veterinary field. I have to say I was having flashbacks of sorts to when my family went to the vet to say farewell to our boxer, Ali'i. In a sense he was the brother I never had. My farther took it the hardest since they were the best of friends. Honestly, when I looked at Grendal that day I couldn't help but think of what my father went through. It always hits me hard when I see grown men cry. I guess its because I've always seen men with stone faces, smiles, and the general 'man' look about them.
When we got home we cleaned up. It was hard because the cleaning consisted of ridding the house of Lucky's belongings. Grendal put his foot down, not wanting to get rid of Lucky's harness, his collar, or his favorite toy. I can understand it but it seemed like his parents were confused. Hell, Grendal went through the garbage to get the toy and its sitting beside the altar right now. Tinker, my Main Coone, seems to be rather lost as well. She and Lucky were friends. We caught them curled up next to each other a few times and she even sat beside him for a few hours during his last week. Their method of play was Tinker would play chicken and encourage him to chase her through the house. She would also knock over the smaller trash can near the computer and he'd nose through it looking for stuff. In the end the decision was hard but we all agree that it was for the best. Lucky is in a better place and free of the pain that he had been in.
We've been getting back into the mix of 'normal' life. Grendal and I have been cleaning the upstairs which is where we live. We managed to move some of his parents' things from a bookshelf and, after months in boxes, just about all of our books/comics/manga/reading material are out in the open! This makes me happy because not only are my pagan books within grabbing distance but we got rid of 3 boxes. That means more space!! The place doesn't look as tiny and we can stretch out a bit more. Now I can catch up on my reading.
I know the change of seasons is drawing close and I'm not too sure what to do. There are some Pagans in the area and I've met with a group, but I got an odd feeling when Grendal and I sat in on their social gathering. They're trying to do some good in the community and push aside some stereotypes and bad mojo from the few groups in town, which is wonderful. What was odd was it felt like I was that geeky kid in high school trying to sit at the cool kids' table. :\ I felt like I was being judged a bit and I was totally out of the loop when they started talking about old stuff. I was missing the inside jokes in a way. So while there are Pagan groups they don't really hold big to-dos and I can afford going out to the Chicago area to do some of the cool stuff. I've thought about looking into some of the things that happen in Wisconsin, since the border is a stone's throw away from the backyard, but I just haven't gotten around to it. Blarg. I know I don't need to go out and meet other Pagans but I've always been interested in joining in and seeing what everything was about.
So yeah, with Ostara right around the corner I'll probably do what I usually do: make a nice meal for my family, light some incense, and put out some offerings. Now, more cleaning!