Sunday, November 14, 2010

Burning Bridges

I used to suffer from clinical depression.  I didn't believe my mother when she told me I was depressed and when I was given medicine I would just dump it down the drain at my designated time.  It wasn't until I was taking a psychology class that I realized that I fit everything to a T.  Finally I agreed to see someone about it and learned during my first meeting that my mother suffered form depression as well(my father was the one that said it and he seemed none too happy).  I began taking pills that seemed to work.  After meeting Grendal(my boyfriend) things changed.  I was still taking them but he convinced me to stop slowly because I didn't need them.  Of course I was reluctant but I tried it.  Sure enough I was fine.  Grendal was my rock.

There are still moments when I slip into depression but everyone does.  Its not an issue unless it lasts for a long period of time or reoccurs every day.  My problem is that my short bouts are pretty hard.  I slip rather deep but, luckily, I have Grendal to pull me out.

I've stated before that my relationship with my mother isn't the best.  She favors my other sisters and I'm a black sheep.  My mother has pulled some shit before.  Things like telling me that a get together starts at a certain time when it doesn't or starting the family dinner early without telling me so when Grendal and I show up we're pretty much eating leftovers.  Its not a good feeling.  This has gone on for a while but today was the final straw.

My eldest niece was having her birthday party.  I was told it started at 1 but it started at 12.  It takes me nearly an hour to get to my elder sister's house.  Being fed up I decided not to show because I was angry and I didn't want to ruin the party.  I vented to my little sister(about our mother) and told her I didn't need a guilt trip when she asked if I didn't want to see our niece.  Big mistake.  Since my mother and younger sister are best-o-friends she turned on me.  She told me to stop the poor me crap and that this was family.  Why was I going to see my friends later tonight if I wasn't going to spend time with family.

I didn't respond to her....I told my mother not to bother cooking because I canceled gaming.  To be honest I'm thinking about not returning to gaming at my parents' house.  Might not join them for the holidays if I'm going to be ridiculed.

I'm not going to apologize.  I need to tell my mother how I feel.  How do I feel?  It seems like my father is the only one that enjoys my presence.

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